Good Belly Yoga

Most of my life I have been split into two pieces–what I wanted and what I knew I should do.

Thing is..the third choice was usually the best answer to my stress. The third choice comes after I have had a chance to think.

I have done many awkward and goofball things in my life which I am either ashamed of and then proud of after a bit of thought about why I do stupid things.

I keep focusing on being here, as best I can. My goal is to find joy in the life I already have. If I fall short, I try to learn and improvise to find a better way to react to my body and mind demands.

I have to let go a lot.

Therefore I do meditation and yoga as a way to build my spiritual strength. This is my path in this life.

Even though I meditate to handle difficult emotions, not everybody gets what I am trying to do, so I have to accept their expressions of disappointment as feedback.

I would like it if everybody didn’t ever want to yell at or harm other beings. I know now that will probably never come about, but I see hopeful signs of greater kindness.gradually (and I emphasize Understanding and compassion is a slow path sometimes, it might take a lifetime to understand the people who hurt you.

When I felt threatened in any way, and especially if I felt people were threatening, I found it hard to slow down and focus on my mind/body connection.

Gradually, that connection got better, but I never got perfect.

Perfection was an illusion.

When I started to focus on other people as much as I focused on myself, my relationships got better because when I felt tension in my body, I looked at it, accepted it, and made it an important tool to mind my mind better.

We constantly live with changing circumstances and when things are good, we want to make them stay here forever.

Finding a way to be calmer in the face of so much change is not easy.

At one time in my life, when I was confused about what career path to take I went to this great place called Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California. It is a beautiful and calm place on the edge of rocky cliffs, and a turbulent sea.

Ironically I had no idea how to act at Esalen because everyone was so considerate, nice and had the cleanest garden tools I’ve ever seen. At Esalen I had to learn the manners of being a calm and compassionate human being, and a big part of that is every time I enter an unknown environment, I have to do a lot of quick learning on how to behave because I admired so many people there.

I wanted order in my life because I was going through so many changes in my relationships, living places, and jobs.

At first, I did not know how to get along with people at Esalen because they were so incredibly nice and they had a very clean and beautiful environment on the edge of a turbulent sea beating on rugged rocks. It was beautiful and magical there.

I found two things to do to contribute: I was a sprouts person for the permanent residents with cancer, and then I was a night guard.

Thanks to Esalen, I have had a great life: they showed me what qualities I wanted to cultivate in myself.

Each stage of life made me a better person because I had learned a bit of sensitivity in dealing with different kinds of people.

The hardest thing I had to learn was to shut up and listen, be humble and work hard and well.

Out of my experience here early in my adult life, I have gained many gifts. I have learned how to dwell in a confused state until I get my thoughts organized. I just don’t like it when people push me in a direction I don’t agree with because frankly sometimes I just want time to think.

I manage to get my thoughts together and move forward powerfully, I still have to always remind myself to make any necessary changes from a strong place. So I don’t need to be a superhero, just a human trying to do their best.